Geeking Out: Madden 2009

So I got a sweet PSP off ebay with 10 games, 4 movies, and a travel case, all for $110.00. In case you didn’t know that’s an amazingly good deal and one of the main reasons that I enjoy ebay to the extent that I do. Realistically, I’d buy food off there if I could. It’s the thrill of the hunt and the thrill of outgunning some n00b with Doritos covered hands. Suck it, Ralphie.

I got this PSP, and I decided I’d start with one of the sports games. Why? Because they are easy to play, take a small time commitment, and they are fun. This is the recipe for all things bad ass, in my opinion. If any one thing has all three of these ingredients, I’m there. Two is acceptable (See: Avatar).

Franchise mode, for the win. Did the fantasy draft, got some great players, went through training camp. Then came the preseason. Finally time for me to sow my royal oats. And sow I did…

I am in week three of the regular season, and I have not had a single point scored on me. I have also not scored less than 60 points in a game. This is absolute fucking nonsense. I am not challenged whatsoever in this game, and it boggles my mind. The last Madden game I played was Madden 98 for the god damn Playstation. Not the PS2, and not the PS3. THE PLAYSTATION. Why on earth am I fairing so well in this game?

The AI sucks ass. This is the only explanation. I am positive that I would get ruined by any 12-year old. So what’s the deal with this game? It sets players up for embarrassment. It is reasonable that I might think I’m talented at this game. So maybe I sign into the online play, only to get routed by an ankle grabber. Is that any life to lead?

No.

I would appreciate an accurate reflection of my skills. Sure, I might get scored on by the time the playoffs roll around but I’m not counting on it.

I think a major issue with this game is the intended audience. Perhaps the AI is a bunch of dolts because EA Sports wants little kids and soccer dads to come back for more. Well I say stop appealing to the lowest common denominator and give me a game that requires some skill! Are these other teams really so shitty? Who did they draft? My quarterback is Chad Pennington!! CHAD PENNINGTON! Not to say the dude’s not quality, he certainly is, but he’s my back up. Peyton went out in week one with a torn pectoral muscle, and I’m cleaning up shop.

No alteration of settings is working. Pro-Mode, so on and so forth. I’ve tried running the same defensive play for an entire quarter. I’ve tried running the same offensive play for an entire quarter. It’s of no use.

Either I’m a prodigy, or EA Sports needs to step the fuck up.

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